Oh boy, another one of these X, Y, or Z articles about Memphis! This time, we got “How to Piss Off Someone from Memphis”, an article that, oddly enough, is written by someone who is from but, according to their profile, no longer lives in Memphis. Funny, looking at her profile on the site, it seems she has written several articles like this… but one at a time. In this case, this one:
https://matadornetwork.com/life/piss-off-someone-memphis/
Let’s begin!
Sing “Walking in Memphis” to a Memphian you just met.
I’ve mentioned before, I have no actual issue with this song – I somewhat like it, amazingly, so no, this certainly won’t “piss me off.”
Add us to a national “most dangerous cities” list.
Uhm, the city is dangerous in many areas. I won’t get into it here, but the fact is, well, fact: There are places that just aren’t safe. Walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, right?
Mention Libertyland.
This is more of an annoyance than anything else. Also, this part doesn’t explain itself at all, so I doubt anyone who reads it that isn’t from Memphis would have a clue.
LibertyLand was a local amusement part. Somewhat small, still, it was something we had, and in the mid 2000’s or so it was demolished as the Mid-South Fair, which used land near LibertyLand, called “The Mid-South Fairgrounds” as it’s location, moved to Mississippi.
It symbolizes the pretty pathetic ability of Memphis to actually “have anything good” (as I phrase it) especially for the children. It perfectly symbolizes the empty nature of the city.
Utter the name “John Calipari.”
Don’t care about sports, don’t know who the fuck this guy is, and the only thing that would piss me off as a Memphian about this is the presumption that everyone knows or cares about this shit. We don’t. I know I don’t.
Whine “It’s just a little snow/ice, and everything is closed. Why? What’s the big deal?”
This one is valid enough – Hell, I welcome snow, as it’s about the only time people actually decide to stay home. We aren’t used to it, our roads aren’t designed for it, and we just aren’t equipped for it. That’s just how it works, and it’s safer for everything to shut down.
Assume Graceland is our city’s only attraction.
It certainly is one of the main things everyone internationally knows us for, though, so it makes sense for that to be the main thing brought up. We do have other things to visit, but many listed require a very specific interest (honestly, as much as Graceland would.) There isn’t much in the city that most anyone can enjoy, and that’s my big problem with things on a whole.
Bash Memphis barbecue.
Ah, couldn’t have one of these without BBQ being mentioned. Yeah, it’s good. No, even I don’t want someone talking outright shit about it, but if you don’t like it, that’s fine – everyone has different tastes.
Bash Memphis.
Grasping at straws here; no one likes their city insulted, but, eh, can’t stop em. I can’t see anyone getting that pissed about it unless the person is stating outright lies, though…
Refuse to at least try coleslaw on your barbecue sandwich.
Okay, no. Just no. If this pisses you off, put down the food and re-evaluate your life. Sit down for this, because guess what? Not everyone likes coleslaw! Hell, I don’t want to go near the stuff, at all. Ever. Just because it’s some kind of tradition doesn’t make it right for everyone and if someone doesn’t want to eat it, don’t make them. That simple.
Say: “You don’t sound like you’re from Memphis.”
Not going to dance around the issue, this one has ethnic and cultural ties to it, given the ethnicity of the author and the samples shown: Still, I get this as well, people asking where I’m from, since I have a very mixed accent which I have tried to force to somewhat hide my southern twang – I get asked sometimes where I’m from and people are surprised when I say “here” after using more northern phrases.
I have no real comment on this one beyond that. We have a unique way of speaking, as with any major city, but there are exceptions. Shouldn’t piss someone off if someone says they don’t sound like a Memphian, though.
Complain about the “slowness” of our city.
Eh, it’s annoying to be rushed, but hell, even I feel we are sometimes too fucking slow with some things. Oh well. What can you do, it’s the South. We’re just more relaxed.. unless someone is waiting in line, then all of a sudden everything must happen super quickly. Go figure.
Drive below 70 mph on I-240 (or any other road in the city).
I’ma be blunt – too many people here just don’t know how to drive correctly. Typical no blinker usage, driving with high beams on constantly, or any other stupid thing you can think of; someone in Memphis probably does it regularly.
The entry here in the original article isn’t really wrong, so, can’t say anything about it. Just try to relax and not let road rage get to you?
Don’t wave when we graciously let you into our traffic lane.
Ahem, if I let you in, it isn’t because of anything religious, it’s called I’m being nice because it probably makes more sense to help you out and let you in that to be yet another person causing an issue. That’s it. I would hope you acknowledge it but if you don’t, whatever. It’s nothing to get pissed off about.
Compare Memphis to Nashville.
Eh, I just don’t care. Nashville doesn’t interest me, even though I have friends who say it’s a cool place (better than Memphis) I just don’t care enough, as I feel like it would generally be the same old thing in a new place if I were to be there.
Again though, if this pisses you off.. well, yeah.. that’s a problem.
That’s that. I might as well, over the next few weeks, cover the other articles by this author. As a disclaimer, this isn’t anything on her, I do these simply to provide contrast – all of these articles follow the same old patterns, the same midtowner interests being stated as if they are universal truths, and all that.
Just because I’m from Memphis doesn’t mean I like common Memphis things, and I don’t like being grouped in with everyone else on the subject of this city.