You get a two-for-one deal with articles today. Actually I planned quite a few but I found myself only with time and energy for one; the rest will have to wait, save for this off-the-cuff little entry (although, aren’t they all somewhat off-the-cuff? Whatever.)
It’s taking time, but I feel like I’m slowly regaining my skills and confidence in writing. While I’m still not anywhere close to devoting the time and energy I used to on it, and may never will be able to, I still see this as progress and a level of success that should be celebrated, given everything that’s happened over the past few years. The world is burning, everything fucking sucks, and I swear the only people who exist in this city are self-indulgent fuckbags that have sucha myopic view of reality that it would make Mr. Magoo look like a Navy Seal sniper!
…I’m sorry, I had to vent a bit. I’ve been really protective of everything that’s happened in the past 3-4 years, because the wounds are still fresh. There’s honestly a lot I’ve wanted to write about as a person, but the idea of opening up to the internet is, naturally, a bit terrifying, especially in the culture of the day where, while everyone talks about acceptance and understanding, those traits are actually the last things on their minds.
With the hope of sharing the experience of being a human, hoping someone who can find value in it will find it, comes the knowledge that more than likely a dozen complete assholes will find the content and use it as a way to attack — something that gets so very old and, in my personal experience, exists beyond the internet. It’s truly ingrained in modern culture, and no one seems to call it out.
Such leads to feeling poorly about ones self and, more publicly, about ones creative works. Hence why my writing pace slowed down so much in 2020 — a mix of everything just became too much and it’s taken years to get back to a place where I feel confident in myself to at least try to do what I love — write silly blog articles about whatever topics interest me. To share my thoughts, feelings, opinions, and interesting finds in the medium that works best for me.
My reach has dropped to fuck all, especially with the effective death of Triberr. Social media on all fronts is kind of a ghost town for interaction, since instead of doing what everyone wants and following the flavor of the week I am true to myself as best I can be. No one cares about that, they just want the latest memes and stupid shit that no one will care about a week from now.
I miss the days when expressing ones self.. and I mean actually expressing who you really are was considered a good trait. Not being just like everyone else for the sake of random numbers of interactions saved in some PHP database on some Amazon server. Where the value in content was the actual information it provided, not in how many clicks it can get. It feels like so long ago that was the case either online or in person, and I worry if we will ever be at that point again… or maybe if we ever truly were and it’s not just me having a rose-tinted look at the digital past.
What was I talking about again? Right, my voice here. I only now realize that this very entry is being done, subconsciously, as a way for me to open up. I guess now I’m consciously aware of this, so I certainly must not go back and edit anything I’ve written above — it’s pure, honest thought put to text as I thought of it, and that should be preserved.
The fact that you’re reading this means, one, you found some value in it and, two, that I chose to post this entry and didn’t just delete it like I have so many others.
If that is the case, then maybe, just maybe, I’m finally regaining the confidence that had previously been so thoroughly ripped from me by the people I trusted most.
Only time will tell. More to come, as always.
