Chaos continues as I grow another year older. A controlled chaos, to be sure, but chaos regardless. Thankfully, the situation that life thrust upon me over a year and a half ago is soon to end, and with that will come the beginning of a new chapter in my life.
I like to say I have this nasty habit of surviving. Every time something, or someone, tries to destroy me in a symbolic sense I inevitably come back stronger, and in a better position than before. While it’s taken longer than it should have, this habit is repeating itself and so I enter the 39th year of my life with an optimism I’ve not had in quite a while. Certainly a newfound confidence in myself, but also a positive outlook for the upcoming years, where I’ll finally once again feel like I actually have some level of control over my life.
With that, however, comes knowing that I’ll have to make peace with some recent trauma in my life (namely, the events that caused me to be in the situation I’ve been in which, I promise, one day I’ll share here) but also the fact that a decade of my life was effectively destroyed in a single act by the one person I trusted most, and there was nothing, and will never be anything I can do to change that fact. I simply have to, once I’m in a good place mentally, come to terms with it all and let the past die, as I’ve done before with every other chapter in my somewhat storied life.
I’ll be fine, though. I’ll be able to focus more on the person I now trust most — myself — and enjoy the creative projects I love, all while feeling, shall we say, safe, for the first time since the middle of 2022.
Vague, I know, but intentionally so. This is just what I’m feeling right now, on this day, at this moment where I continue the tradition of a birthday post. This one just happened to be more poetic than previous years.
Here’s to new beginnings, and the end of opposition to my personal happiness.